My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
