...so i touched it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the day after is always just damage control
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
