I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
