I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
