Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
as a side note pls kill me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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