Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
