Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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