Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
