How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
