addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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