Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
