Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
