So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
