Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
