Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
