We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
