I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
