he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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