I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
