i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize