It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
