fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
