If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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