I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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