Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
