uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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