It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
