Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
