best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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