Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
