dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
false alarm, still single
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