He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
