dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I will die if light touches me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
