apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
