It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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