FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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