We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am one with the molecules
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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