I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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