all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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