would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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