I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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