hotel room ftw
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
