i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
