So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
