Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
