you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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