He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
