All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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