oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
