U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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