I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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