I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
