This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
