I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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