yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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