She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
