I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He better not be in your backpack
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
