How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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