i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
