I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
