The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
