Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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