there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
