she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
