you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize