Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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