Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
