"it" just moved
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
