Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
