My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
