Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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