We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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