I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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