the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
