We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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