my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
