I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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