I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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