It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wear drunk well.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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