if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
