wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
